I couldn't help myself from shaking as my cousin dragged me towards the rollercoaster. She forced me onto the black seat and sat beside me. She tried to comfort me in all sorts of ways. Suddenly the rollercoaster quivered and it moved slowly towards the slope. I felt tense and nervous-I held tightly to the bar infront of me- as the gravity made my body feel heavier and pressed my back toward the seat. Soon we were on top of the slope and I could view the whole amusement park. I dared not to look down as a drop of perspiration ran down my neck and then I was flying. The rollercoaster fell down the slope as fast as a bullet and I could feel myself floating in the air-even with the protection-for a brief moment. As soon as my body was back on the seat, the rollercoaster started to spin around in circles. The whole amusement park went up-side down and I could feel my hair flying in the air. I couldn't even shout out for help and crouched down to make myself feel better. My heart felt like it was floating in the air- I did not like it- and I could hear my tense heartbeat pounding furiously. Soon I was on the ground and I've never felt so grateful for it.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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2 comments:
Su Bin, i can't believe how well you described all of the senses, especially the perspiration running down your neck. There was only one thing i wasn't sure about: "She tried to comfort me in all sorts of things. i think that the in should be changed to with. Good work
Su Bin, the paragraph you wrote was awesome. I think you did a great job of describing the ride. I think it’s lines like: “I felt tense and nervous-I held tightly to the bar in front of me- as the gravity made my body feel heavier and pressed my back toward the seat” and “I dared not to look down as a drop of perspiration ran down my neck and then I was flying” that really ‘show’ the audience your experiences. overall an outstanding piece of work. Keep it up.
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